Since your passing mom, I’ve waited and watched for that special sign that everyone told me about. Every day, every minute of every day, I watched and I waited. But you never came. I began to start to disbelieve all that was told to me. The dragonfly, the butterfly, the sounds, the feelings, the signs that everyone said I would see. But nothing came. I just needed to know you were okay and I wasn’t getting that comforting signal.
I was told that working in my gardens would be therapeutic, for that’s what you loved doing as well. Though I enjoyed it immensely, all it brought me was a horrible back pain where I could hardly move. Did I feel your presence while I was out there plucking away at those weeds? No, and oh how I looked!
Your grave stone couldn’t be finished in time for today, this beautiful memorial day. So I did what I could to make sure where you were placed looked beautiful and loved, like you. While out there doing this I waited again, but felt and saw nothing.
I began to accept this as just something people tell you when you are hurting and missing one you’ve lost and loved so much. That these things don’t necessarily mean anything and they are just coincidences. That is until yesterday.
We arrived home from a quick trip to Kato for a few things. We both sat down at the kitchen table to relax and unload the things we had gotten. When Rich suddenly said, “Lisa, look at that!” and pointed to the window above our kitchen sink. There, right by the window, sitting on my wind chimes, was a beautiful red cardinal. He looked in the window at us. Turning his head back and forth for a short time. Then slowly flew away. I sat there in complete silence realizing that now I get it. Now I truly get it.
This morning on this gorgeous Memorial Day, as I sit here in my front porch, I understand. For I see you…in the angel statues I have displayed amongst my plants. Yes, even in the plants there right in front of me! I hear you in the wind as it blows the leaves on the trees outside my windows. And I feel you…I really truly feel you here with me. For I realize now that you were here with me all along. I know now this feeling comes from within. It’s a feeling I can not explain, but all the same…I feel you here mom…and I’m so glad I do.