As this day approaches, so with it also comes my sadness. This happens to me every single April for the past 38 years. Sometimes it’s because I remember, and other times my subconscious mind reminds me. It reminds me not to forget. Never to let go or to lose the memory of what I lost so many years ago on that day….my best friend.
She was a vivacious young lady. Someone that everyone liked and wanted to be around. She made you laugh when you were down, she cared and she told you so! She was a friend like no other I have ever had. We met in the first grade. I will never forget the day we had pictures and her mom sent her with curlers in her hair to be removed by the teacher right before the snapshots were to be taken. A few boys in our class started to tease her and she began to cry. I walked right up to those boys and told them off. I told them to leave her alone and go away. Even though I was a shy child, I wasn’t going to allow this to happen to such a sweet girl that I called my friend.
We went sledding in the winter, shopping on weekends. We rode the school bus together on parade days. Her in her flag girl uniform and I in my majorette one. Those were the best times ever! We slept over at each others houses, went swimming at flandrau in the summer or just laid out in the sun and talked. We drank at parties, experimented with marijuana, and had nicknames we called each other daily in the high school hallways. My fondest memories of high school were of times spent with her.
Then one day, out of nowhere came this car, not yielding to my girlfriend sitting behind her boyfriend on his motorcycle as they entered an intersection. “She flew, she just flew”, was all a small child who witnessed it all, could say. She landed near the curb in front of my grandparents home. I never passed that way again without thinking of her.
Memories are all I have now. I go to her grave often and sit with her. We chat about what is going on in my life. I cry, I laugh, and I tell her I miss her. I wonder with her what life would have been like had she not passed. I guess we will never know.
Every year, like clock work, I find myself getting so down in the dumps, so sad and depressed, and can not figure out why. Then I remember. I wish I could celebrate your life Mary, but it was too short, way to short. A coworker explained it to me when I was shedding tears shortly after your leaving. She said, “Think of it this way and it will hopefully make it a bit easier. God walks out to his garden to pick some flowers for his home. Naturally he is going to pick the prettiest one, the one who has fully grown, the one that has done what it needs to do there in the ground and now he brings it into his home to shine with its beauty”. Yes, when I think of it that way, it does help. For she was a beautiful flower.
So when they say, “April showers bring May flowers” I truly believe its Mary making her way back to me to say, “Hey Logs”. She left us on April 29th…just in time to shine in Gods home for May…for eternity.
Until we meet up again I shall grow the prettiest of flowers and display them in my home. And it will be like Mary never left.
Love you girl!